


Insecurities (And How to Deal with Them)

by onesquishedcat



Series: Insecurities [1]
Category: B.A.P
Genre: Body Worship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-16 06:16:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3477581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onesquishedcat/pseuds/onesquishedcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongup knows Himchan is insecure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurities (And How to Deal with Them)

The dorm was quiet.

  
  
That should have been his first clue.  
  


 

Himchan's brow furrowed as he walked toward the bedroom, wondering where the others could have gone. The clock read nearly nine at night, and with their hectic schedules it wasn't uncommon for them to be heading to bed about now.  
  


 

But there was no one in the bedroom or the kitchen, and when he walked into the living room, he only saw Jongup, calmly watching tv in his pajamas.  
  


 

"Where are the others?" Himchan questioned, ruffling his hair dry one handed. Jongup looked up with a smile, which dimmed a bit when he saw his hyung. He was wearing baggy pants and an overlarge shirt, and Jongup knew it wasn't that cold in the dorm - He was sitting there in a pair of sweat shorts and a muscle shirt after all. "They went out," He replied quietly, "Daehyunhyung was hungry."  
  


 

Himchan's snort could be heard across the room. "That boy never ceases to amaze me. He could close an all you can eat buffet and still not gain a pound."  
  


 

Still miffed, Himchan turned to return to the bedroom, when Jongup's voice stopped him.  
  


 

"Hyung. Wait."  
  


 

Curious, Himchan hummed in question, poking his head in the doorway. Jongup flicked the tv off and then met Himchan's eyes. "Please come here, Hyung."  
  


 

Now more than curious, and maybe a little concerned, Himchan padded into the living room and made to sit on the couch beside his favourite dongsaeng, but Jongup shook his head.  
  


 

"Here, Hyung."  
  


 

He gently guided the older man to stand in front of him, and took his hands in his, mindful of the cast on his right.  When Jongup laced their fingers together, Himchan gently squeezed them, wondering if maybe the younger boy was missing home or something. "What is it, Jonguppie?" He asked softly, concern clouding his expression when the boy finally met his eyes.  
  


 

He breathed deep. "I was wondering if you could do me a favour.."  
  


 

Himchan hummed immediately. "Of course, Jonguppie. What is it?"  
  


 

"I want you to..Strip."  
  


 

Himchan stared at the boy, his smile frozen on his face. Then he tried to tug his hands away. "W-what? Jonguppie-" He tried to back away, but Jongup's hands latched onto his sleeping pants, preventing him from going anywhere. "Please hyung! Let me explain."  
  


 

Himchan made a dismissive sound, his expression still a little shocked though he stopped trying to pull away. Jongup took that as a good sign, smiling gently up at Himchan before taking the older man's hands in his again. "Listen. We're not as stupid as you think-"  
  


 

"When have I ever thought you were stupid-"  
  


 

"Hyung," Jongup interrupted with a squeeze of their hands. "Please listen. "  
  


 

Himchan shut his mouth, and waited for the younger to continue.  
  


 

Jongup inhaled before he said. "Okay. I know we don't bring it up, because it's not really our business but, before you left you had no problem changing in front of us, or walking out of the bathroom in only a towel, or sleeping nearly naked. Now, you cover yourself with the baggiest clothing you have, and refuse us getting too close to you."  
  


 

Himchan opened his mouth to protest, but no sound came out. It was true, and though he wanted to deny it, he couldn't lie to Jongup, he never had been able to. Yes, he had gained some weight while he had been at his parents', and not being able to work it off had left him with only one other option - to cover it up. So instead he looked away, and gently tugged on his hands again. "I'm sorry, Jongup. I didn't mean to-"  
  


 

"I know, hyung."  
  


 

His tone was sad, but Himchan didn't know how to fix it. His weight was usually something only talked about with his trainer and dietician, and the members knew that it was a very sensitive subject for the Ulzzang, even now, so they tried not to mention it. Himchan felt as though he had been hit out of left field with this, and he didn't know what to do.  
  


 

Jongup let go of his hands, but before Himchan could slip away he put his hands on the taller man's hips. "Hyung, look at me."  
  


 

Reluctantly Himchan did so, bottom lip pulled between his teeth. Jongup smiled and tilted his head. "Himchanhyung, you are beautiful."  
  


 

Himchan inhaled sharply and shook his head. There were no cameras here, so he didn't have to pretend.  
  


 

Jongup shook his head back at him. "Himchannie. You. are. Beautiful." He repeated, tugging the taller man a bit closer. "Please believe me?"  
  


 

Himchan closed his eyes. "I can't."  
  


 

The sliding of fabric against his front made his eyes snap open, just as Jongup leaned forward. Before Himchan could tug his shirt back down, the brunette pressed a kiss to the soft swell of flesh on his stomach. "Then let me show you, hyung. Please take off your clothes."  
  


 

 Himchan shook his head again, his tongue having swollen inside his mouth preventing him from speaking. Jongup didn't seem to accept that though, sliding his hands up and under the shirt, standing to keep going, and looking into Himchan's eyes when he tried to stop him.  
  


 

"Please hyung. Let me do this."  
  


 

There was something in his eyes, Himchan couldn't say no, and so he raised his arms as Jongup's hands slid up his sides, casting his shirt aside with a shiver. The contrast between the air and the younger's hands was raising goose bumps on his skin, a fair heat rising in Himchan's cheeks when they didn't leave as Jongup sat back down.  
  


 

His hands fell to Himchan's thighs, and he looked up to meet his eyes. "Pants too, hyung," Jongup murmured, gently tugging, and Himchan closed his eyes as he untied the draw string and gave them a little push, the voluminous material pooling at his feet before he kicked them away.  
  


 

Naked and shivering in front of his favourite dongsaeng, Himchan had never felt more vulnerable or embarrassed.  
  


 

Jongup's hands were warm as they settled on his hips again, and Himchan couldn't help the way he flinched when he felt something soft brush his hip bones. With the time he spent in his Mom's kitchen, they no longer protruded the way they used to, and it made him feel disgusting and huge. "Hyung. Open your eyes."  
  


 

Himchan did, and Jongup pressed another gentle kiss to his hip. "There are a million and one things I love about you, Himchanhyung. It would take me forever to name them all, but I'll tell you some of my favourites, okay?"  
  


 

Himchan nodded, swallowing thickly. Jongup smiled, and pressed kisses inward to his navel. "I love the way you laugh. Not during interviews, but when it’s just us, here in the dorm. It comes from here," He pressed a longer kiss to the spot just below Himchan's belly button. "And I know you mean it. I also love the way your eyes light up when you look at us, like we mean everything to you."  
  


 

He took Himchan's hands in his again, and brought them forward so he could kiss the knuckle of the left and the fingertips of the right. "I love how determined you are. No matter what you do, you give your all, and encourage us to do the same. These hands were dedicated to instruments and then to us, and they will be again, because you are strong that way."  
  


 

Himchan could feel his throat tightening, but Jongup wasn't finished, sliding his hands down Himchan's calves, watching as the fine hairs stood on end. When he got to his knees, the younger slid them around and up the back of them, still slow and gentle. "I know you hate these, but they are one of the many things I find most attractive about you. These legs might not be slim, but they are powerful, and I would take them over stick thin womens' legs any day."  
  


 

Jongup leaned forward and placed a row of kisses across each one, his fingertips still dancing up and down the back of Himchan's thighs. Biting harder at his lip, Himchan slid a shaking hand into Jongup's hair. With no clothes on, it was obvious what the younger was doing to him, a fierce flush heating his skin from his cheeks to his ears. "Jonguppie.."  
  


 

Jongup smiled, taking that hand in his and bringing it to his lips again to kiss his palm. "I love how selfless you can be. You always think of us first, and though its annoying that you do, its endearing, too." Using his grip on that hand, Jongup tugged it over his shoulder and brought Himchan closer, helping him down to settle in his lap. Himchan's face was practically on fire now, but Jongup didn't mind, kissing the middle of his chest and brushing his hands up the older man's arms. "I love your arms, and your chest, for the same reasons. When you wrap them around me I feel safe, and when I lay my head on your chest, I know you will listen to anything I have to say, no matter how stupid or silly. Your heart is always open to us, and though it hurts you sometimes, its also what draws us all to you. "  
  


 

Jongup kissed a line up until he was level with Himchan's lips, his own pulling into a gentle smile when he saw the tears silently running down the older man's cheeks. With his thumbs he wiped them away, cradling Himchan's face in his hands. "You are beautiful, Himchannie. Inside and out, from your head to your toes, I love everything about you. _I love you."_  
  


 

Himchan choked back a sob, and Jongup kissed him, his fingertips rubbing soothingly behind Himchan's ears. "I. love. you." Jongup whispered against the older man's lips, brushing them softly together. "So. much. Now let me show you."  
  


 

Himchan nodded, standing from the couch and wiping again at his tears. Jongup helped him, and then took his left hand to lead him to the bedroom.  
  


 

He closed the door behind him and tugged Himchan over to his bed, laying down and pulling the older over him, careful to keep the brunt of it off his injured hand. Kissing Himchan was like coming home, Jongup realized, his hands resuming a slow, reverent caress over the older man's skin.  
  


 

Himchan broke the kiss to gasp for air. "Jongup.."  
  


 

Jongup hummed in reply, smile just a little cheeky when the older reached for the dancer's shorts with his good hand and tugged. Biting back a bigger smile, Jongup sat up and stripped off his shirt, and then shoved his shorts down and kicked them off the bed. With nothing between them, Jongup rolled them over and moved between Himchan's legs, running one hand up his thigh and the other going higher, up the side of his waist to his good hand, lacing their fingers together. Then he leaned over and kissed him again.

 

"Can I, hyung? Will you let me show you?"  
  


 

Himchan nodded, reaching over for the bedside table. He pulled out a tube of lube and handed it to Jongup, letting his eyes race over the dancer's form. He had always admired it, but now he was able to look unabashedly, and he was going to savour every moment.  
  


 

But Jongup was doing the same, eyes roving over the long pale expanse of Himchan's body as he prepared him. His skin was flushed pink with arousal and maybe still a little embarrassment, his slightly rounded stomach rising and falling softly with each breath. His eyes were bright and smoldering as he looked at Jongup from beneath thick lashes, teeth biting into his lip when Jongup continued to stare.  He reached down to tell him that was enough, he was ready, when Jongup curled his fingers in a way that had him brushing that spot inside Himchan that made him see stars.  
  


 

"A-Ah, Jongup.."  
  


 

Jongup groaned, eyes never leaving Himchan's face. "You are so, so gorgeous, Himchannie.." He twisted his fingers again and watched the way the pleasure rocked Himchan's body - muscles tensing, body arching, his good hand gripping the sheets. Himchan's moans sent shivers down his spine, Jongup struggling to hold himself together long enough to take his fingers back and guide himself inside. Once he was settled he waited for Himchan to adjust, his hand reaching for the older man's left one to grip it tight.  
  


 

"Tell me when," He groaned, resting his head against Himchan's chest as the heat overwhelmed him. One breath, two - Himchan squeezed his hand and shifted his hips. "I'm ready.."  
  


 

Jongup nodded, pressing a kiss to the skin beneath him as he sat back up. He shifted around and then began to move, slowly, groaning as he felt himself being drawn in. The dancer opened his eyes when he felt Himchan twist away, unsure when he had closed them - to see the older man's arm across his face, only his kiss-swollen lips visible.  
  


 

"Himchannie.." Pushing the hand in his back against the sheets, Jongup reached out with the other to gently tug his arm away. "Himchannie, look at me, please.."  
  


 

Himchan did so, reluctantly, and Jongup inhaled shakily, his hips surging harder against Himchan's. "You are so, so beautiful.." He said sincerely, his usually soft spoken voice rougher and lower in his arousal. Leaning down Jongup captured Himchan's lips with his, sucking that full one between his own. "I love the way you always know what to say when we need to hear it," He whispered against them when he broke the kiss, smiling when he saw the confused look on his face.  
  


 

"I love the way your eyes go cross eyed when you try to focus.."  
  


 

Himchan immediately tried to fix it, and Jongup laughed quietly, hips still rolling and grinding down against Himchan's. "I love your bunny teeth, and the groove between your nose and lips.."  
  


 

Himchan scrunched his nose, accidently making faces as he tried to get rid of it while still trying to cover his 'bunny' teeth. Jongup just kissed the corner of his lips and moved up to his cheek and then his ear, breathing warmly over it. "I love your high cheek bones and your ears...Himchannie, I love everything about you..Don't you realize that yet?"  
  


 

Himchan hummed, squeezing Jongup's hand in his. "I love your voice," He continued, his cheek sliding against Himchan's as he continued to move, "First thing in the morning, all rough and sleepy, or when you sing, all husky and deep.." Sitting up again, he smirked as he shifted his hips and thrust forward hard, delighting in the low moan it produced from the older man. "Or right now, all wrecked and lost in pleasure.."  
  


 

Letting go of Himchan's hand, Jongup slid them down his thighs and hitched them higher, grinding his hips into Himchan's. "I love all your insecurities, all your flaws..I love you just the way you are, Himchan.."  
  


 

Himchan moaned, hips rolling up against Jongup's, tension building in his body as the arousal mounted. Reaching a hand down to wrap around himself, he pouted when Jongup batted it away, the dancer wrapping his own hand around the older man's arousal. "I love the way you pout, the way you play with us, and how you think you need to be strong and hold everything in.."  
  


 

Himchan closed his eyes, unable to look at the other anymore as he felt himself getting close, good hand gripping the sheets and body twisting in a masochistic torment of wanting release and never wanting the pleasure coursing through him to end.  
  


 

"I love your crazy ideas, how you analyze a situation from any angle, your personality.."  
  


 

"J-Jongup.."  
  


 

Jongup hissed, hips losing their rhythm as he sped up, his own release imminent. “I love your smile, the way you whine, the way you embarrass yourself on camera sometimes..”  
  


 

Himchan’s laugh quickly became a breathless groan. “Th-that is not attractive, J-Jongup..” He was too worked up to be offended though, chest rising and falling rapidly as he raced toward orgasm, Jongup close behind.  
  


 

“I love..the way you love me..even though I love you more..”  
  


 

Himchan moaned as his orgasm hit him before he could reply, muscles tensing and body arching hard as pure euphoria shot through his system, Jongup’s name a mantra on his lips as he rode the waves and the dancer fucked him through it, making the pleasure last as long as possible.  
  


 

When he came down from his high, Jongup was right there, breathing hard against his chest, and Himchan was amazed that he could feel the younger boy’s heart beating hard against his own. Reaching up, Himchan ran his hand through Jongup’s sweaty hair, brushing it out of his face.  
  


 

When Jongup smiled, so did Himchan.  
  


 

“You, Jonguppie, are a grease ball..” He murmured when he got his breath back, and Jongup laughed.  
  


 

“I guess I learned from the best,” He replied with a grin, kissing his way up to Himchan’s lips. Slow and passionate, Himchan groaned against his mouth when his oversensitive body tried to respond.

  
“Damnit, Jonguppie..”  
  


 

Jongup hummed, pecking him one last time on the lips. “Sorry hyung.” Gently disentangling himself, Jongup got up from the bed, and Himchan sat up immediately. “Wait. Where are you going?”  
  


 

Jongup shook his head. “I’m just getting a glass of water hyung. I’ll be right back, I promise.”  
  


 

When he did return, Himchan was asleep, curled around his pillow beneath the blankets. Jongup felt his heart melt, setting the glass on the night stand as he slid beneath the blanket and pulled the taller man into his arms. “You are perfect, Himchan. Just the way you are.”  
  


 

He might have missed the way Himchan’s lips pulled into a smile against his chest, but he felt the way his arms tightened around his waist.  
  


 

He knew.


End file.
